


Oath

by GhostGarrison



Series: Dragon Age Tumblr Fics [5]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Communication, Emotional Baggage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 00:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17033204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGarrison/pseuds/GhostGarrison
Summary: Fenris makes a promise to Hawke.





	Oath

Fenris can see it in his eyes.

The way Hawke looks at him, those honey-brown eyes that track him carefully when they’re together. Ones that glance at him when he thinks Fenris isn’t looking, the apprehension most apparent in the flickering glow of the bedroom hearth. Fenris is used to seeing the man wear his heart upon his sleeve, no expression guarded or masked completely. The joy within the crinkles of his eyes or the warm fondness within their depths fade to emotions of worry or even pity. Those eyes tell him many secrets, but even more so in the silence.

And he can also see it in his hands. Those broad palms hold him steady but keep him at an arm’s length away, thick fingers that ghost across his skin but rarely ever more than that. Hands that once touched him, grasped at him, and grounded him now regularly withdraw during times when Fenris needs that touch most desperately.

All the signs are there. It itches just under his skin, the thought claws its way out of the depths of his mind. It’s red, boiling, bubbling, then simmering and when he settles with the realization, his fists clench so tightly that the gauntlet’s tips draw blood from beneath his palm.

Hawke thinks he’s _fragile._

What hasn’t he done to prove the opposite? Fenris has done everything, anything to show that he’s strong, useful. He fights anything from lowly Lowtown bandits to hordes of Qunari––Maker, he’s even accompanied the man to slay a high dragon. What could possibly be perpetuating this imagined visage that Hawke seems to be holding in his mind and in his heart?

It hits him hard, even more so because he doesn’t understand. Ever since he first met the man in the Kirkwall alienage, before he was ever a nobleman nor the Champion of the city, Hawke never treated Fenris like he was less than what he was. Like he was weak, fragile, needing to be taken care of. Never.

He corners the man in the mansion one evening, closing the heavy door to separate them from Bodahn and his son. Hawke eyes him warily and flinches away from his hand, which only feeds Fenris’ ever-growing frustration in Hawke's implicit reactions. In response, he steps even closer into the man’s space, hands gripping him by the shoulders to steer him against the nearest wall. He looms the best he can with his smaller stature, and it seems to be successful as Hawke's body opens to his.

“Why? Why are you afraid of me?” _To talk to me about what troubles you. To treat me as an equal. To touch me like I crave to be touched._

He doesn’t mean it, but the question comes out sounding strongly like an accusation rather than an inquiry. Fenris doesn’t know what type of response he’s expecting, but it isn’t what Hawke provides.

“The closer we become... the more I learn about you,” the man whispers after a beat, doleful brown eyes lifting to meet mossy green, “the more I believe I’ll lose you.”

 _‘Again’_ is left unsaid but Fenris knows it’s there, hanging heavily between them.

But the reality of Hawke's declaration dawns on him. Absurd as it is, Hawke is afraid _for_ Fenris, not of him. During their time spent together, they’ve shared their hopes, wants, dreams and, most importantly, their fears. It was an intimacy Fenris had never experienced, and part of it made him feel flayed open for Hawke to see. Hawke knows how the events of Fenris' past has affected him deeply--has left scars, both physically and emotionally--he’s seen the destruction of his faith in humanity and in mages like himself. Even so, it occurs to him that he hasn’t exactly shown his best side to the man. At best, he'll admit to being flighty––his instinct is to run from situations which he cannot handle. Hunting Hadriana, meeting his sister, killing Danarius, their first night together and those ensuing weeks of loneliness after… 

“I won’t do that to you,” Fenris promises, ensuring his steeled resolution is audible in his voice. Lyrium-laced fingers trace from Hawke’s broad shoulders up the sturdy column of his neck, marked palms reverently cupping the man’s jaw lined with a lush trimmed beard. "Never again."

Hawke lets out a heavy breath, it shudders as it leaves his lungs, so much so that Fenris feels it in his chest. “You’ve been through so much, so much hardship and pain. I’ve put you in enough danger. You’re a free man, I can’t be another force that drives you away. But I’m afraid that I will.” When Fenris tells him he won’t, Hawke shakes his head. “I can’t be sure. I don’t know how.”

“Then let me show you.”

He will show Hawke that he is not broken, that he is capable of loving and being loved as he wishes, that he will not run. With every kiss, he tries to press those words against Hawke’s lips, like an oath he vows to never break.

**Author's Note:**

> something old i wanted to save from tumblr's purge 2018
> 
> find me there or on pillowfort @ storybookhawke


End file.
